An Insider's Guide To Minnesota, Part I

I was born and raised in South Minneapolis. I went to Page Elementary School, Susan B. Anthony Jr. High School, and Washburn High School. I went to the State Fair in August, the boat show in January, and I rooted for the Twins and Vikings because I, like most Minnesotans, believed in loyalty, hard work, and the ability to overcome large obstacles, including terrible seasons and better teams!

There's a good chance I'll move my family back to Minnesota. My wife mentioned moving to St. Paul and didn't realize what a nerve she had hit.

I'm from Minneapolis. I wasn't aware of the existence of St. Paul until I was in high school and by then I knew only cheeseheads would live in such a place. In my heart I knew Minneapolis was the real capital of Minnesota. I couldn't point St. Paul out on a map because it wasn't on our maps. Although the State Fair was in St. Paul, it was its own territory, much like an embassy in a foreign land. St. Paul didn't have Lake Harriet, Lake Calhoun, Lake of the Isles, Lake Nokomis, or the Minnehaha creek.

Bodie loves the Twins song. This is the version he's learned:

We're gonna win Twins
We're gonna score
We're gonna win Twins
Watch that baseball soar
Knock out a home run
JOIN THE HIT PARADE
Cheer for the Minnesota Twins today!

In St. Paul, JOIN THE HIT PARADE is replaced by SHOUT A HIP HOORAY. How can they even call themselves Minnesotans?

So, I calmly informed my wife that I COULD NOT live in St. Paul.